January 1, 2012
There is a piece of purple tulle in the sewing room, 4 yards long by 45 inches wide that is out to get me I am SURE!!
The stuff has got to be demented! It must be a roll of people-hating tulle! I am just trying to cut a strip of it 30 inches long, by 7 1/2 inches wide, with 6 layers. And, the stuff is impossible to cut. I have used practically my ENTIRE box of pins to hold the stuff together, to keep the edges straight, and to hold the stuff still. I've pinned it to the ironing board! HOWEVER.....the stuff still manages to somehow get out of control every time I pick up the scissors to cut.
I mean, what is the deal? I feel like I need to find a 12 step program for tulle haters to help me deal with this problem I am having. I really think the stuff is demented! I've seen those little glittery eyes looking at me...I've heard the little giggles from the uneven edges...I see the little folds trying to manuever for better spots to harass me. And why oh why are there so many uneven edges. I think the tulle needs some kind of therapy.....I wonder if our insurance would cover it? I know it will cover my therapy when I finally go crazy, and the little men in white coats have to come and get me. It will be just my luck, my rubber room will have tulle curtains! Maybe my sister-in-law who likes to sew will come visit me occassionally.....She could hold my hand, and tell me that everything will be ok, and make them loosen the straight jacket! She has a son, so she hasn't had to deal with the demented tulle!
Does the tulle not know that I have a rolling cutter with a brand new shiny blade, and that I AM prepared to use it? Would it really like to spend it's entire life pinned to the ironing board instead of making a dance costume pretty, and going to the dance competition? Does it not realize that I could win yet another costume award at competition with just a microscopic ounce of cooperation? Does it not care that I am a perfectionist in my sewing? I mean, this is my form of relaxation, and who doesn't want to be perfect at relaxing?
I can see myself silently planning it's demise....I could pin it up on the railing hanging in the doorway....then tie the measuring tape tightly around it's little neck. That would cause those little glittery eyes to pop to attention....and then I could duct tape those unruly edges to the door frame, and the get out the rolling cutter and make all kinds of threats! (Ok, so now I sound slightly irritated, don't you think?) You don't think anyone would pay a ransom do you? I mean, how much can a lousy piece of multilated tulle be worth? Do they make posters and hang them in the post office for people wanted for tulle abuse? Is there a lawyer somewhere who would defend me who knows what working with tulle is like? Would the tulle be laughing in the corner of the sewing room when the men in the white coats come to my front door?
Tonight, the only thing worse than a tulle ruffle would be to have to make a pancake tutu out of netting!!!
On that note....I'm going to find the duct tape, and then keep close track of Dad. He claims he won't let anything hurt me....might need his help tonight!
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