What Flower Would I Be?

June 22, 2010

So the gnat war stands as follows: Mom one, gnats ZERO! Did you know that vacumning up the gnats when they are mid-flight creates little gnats flying around like lightening bugs in jars, but it's inside the vacumn. Dad will have to deal with that issue later....at least they are not FLYING around the laundry room! I guess that's better than half a lizard....he's dealt with that before too!

Ok, so the kids have been on my case lately because I haven't written a "funny" blogpost in a long time. Maybe it's because things haven't been too funny around here.....duh! However, today as I was throwing away the dead flowers outside....it's gotten to HOT for some of the little darlings, I was thinking about what kind of flower I would be if I was a flower.

I like roses when Dad brings them to me, but I really don't think I would like to be a rose since they have so many thorns...that and Bougainville (those thorns are a good inch long) are beautiful flowers. However, because of the thorns, they seem a bit grumpy to me. I just don't think I would want to be a grumpy flower. Those thorns could be scary in a dark alley! And carnations seem a bit wrinkled to me. They have ruffely edges, but I think I want to be something more precise. They must be an old flower....smell good though. Since I don't like being called old, they aren't for me. Poppies are pretty, bright flowers with a dark center, but they can get in you trouble with the law....so count me out of that one too. Although I do know several lawyers, and a judge! There's the dandylions, but people just think they are pests, and they really don't look too much like a Grandma kind of flower. And the marigolds last a long time, but then shrivel up and die way to soon for my liking. And have you ever seen a blue marigold? My personality isn't orange or yellow!
Geraniums are sort of like me....maybe....a little rufflely around the edges, but a strong stem, and come in a variety of colors. I prefer the hot pink one though.....guess that just fits me. Everyone says I look good in hot pink....maybe they are just leading me on though. There's the petunia, but they get so sticky when they are dying back, and I just don't like sticky situations. Call me crazy! The sunflower is a good sturdy flower, but it is always turning it's head to follow the sun, and it seems to me that could cause a tremendous headache....and since I get enough of those...I think I will just leave it at that. And I think that would cause some tremendous wrinkles in the neck, and have you ever heard of a sunflower getting botox? Cymbre has this purple bubble looking flower in her garden, and some bright red pointy things....but neither of those seem to fit me either.....the bubble ones attrack to many bugs, AND I HATE BUGS! AND I am not a bubble head...no big hair for me. The red pointy things look like a flower wearing a dunce cap, and I just refuse to go there. Tulips are wonderful, but they become floppy after a day or two, and I have enough floppy parts anyway! We don't need to go there! Daffodils are cool, but they never seem to have a face....and who wants to be faceless forever. I do like the crinkled edges they have though. But who wants to look in the mirror everyday and have no face? How could I be a recognized famous dance costume designer and not have a face? Pansies are fun, they have faces....but I like to stand up for what I believe in too much to be called a pansy...guess I better keep looking! Daisies are fun, but I don't think I would be able to keep all my petals standing up pretty all the time....I mean, when do you relax your petals? And I think I would want more than two leaves. Two leaves aren't very many clothes for a long stem, if you know what I mean. People are always looking at you. What happens if your petal falls alseep...do you go to flower prison? Is there some sort of terrible punishment? And they sometimes have a funny smell. I don't have a funny smell. I smell like RED DOOR perfume, and what flower would want to smell like a red door? How does a red door even smell to a flower? Dad likes the hybiscus flowers...they bloom all summer and they are really bright and beautiful. However, I don't like to live outside in the heat, and they like the sunshine. Guess that's not a good fit either. Orchids are wonderful, exotic, and VERY tempermental...my kids would say I am some days. Tempermental that is....Zinnias are cool, but there again we have the major petal problems! Maybe I am just not meant to be a flower...maybe being a people just fits me better...and have you ever seen a flower with brown hair, freckles, and wearing glasses?

After all this....why don't you guys get some beautiful flowers and take them to someone today.... it would be a good thing to do.

Remember that I love you....and GRANDMA loves those grandbabies......keep on skyping!

Mom