So this week I have discovered that life is so unfair and BORING when you just have one hand and one good elbow in order to function!
I had my carpal tunnel surgery, and my cubital tunnel syndrome surgery on the same arm the same day. That meant I went from numb hand to TOTALLY incapacitated in one swoop! Did you know that you can't even stand up after surgery when you are still somewhat groggy without two hands to balance? And since the nurse in holding on to your good arm to help...the situation is somewhat hopeless! And trying to get dressed is an exercise in diligence that I finally just said, "you know what...I am just going home to bed so who cares about all these clothes...just do the necessary ones to cover me up and GO GET MY HUSBAND. They never want to go get him when I want him...I always have to do all this stuff like breathe deeply, move body parts that have just been operated on, tell them my name 500 times...(For pete's sake, just write it down will you?) and wake up! Give a girl a break ok!! Then they shoot you full of painkillers and expect you to walk yourself to a wheel chair which they park clear on the other side of the stall...what the heck? You want me to walk over there when I have one slipper on, my blouse is on but not buttoned, and my pants are crooked because three people put them on me? And I still have this IV thingy in my arm, and the other one is bandaged? And I am barely coherent? And where is my husband? And can you see the pretty birdies up there in the corner??? (Not really any birdies)And that painkiller is NOT WORKING!!! And if I have to walk that mile to the wheelchair, wouldn't it be quicker to just walk to the car which is parked right outside the front door? And could I have something to drink since you people are starving me, and my bloodsugar is just a bit on the LOW side? And where is my husband? Finally they get the wheelchair closer, and take me to a room where they want me to sit in a recliner...a WHAT? Just how am I going to get out of that thing? And yes, I already moved my fingers for you just a minute ago, and the doctor moved my elbow for me because I can't! And FINALLY, Guy shows up! My guess is that they want him to think I am comfortable in a chair at home just waiting for him to come home from work instead of just having surgery while he counted the minutes out in the waiting room for over and hour and a half, and another hour in the recovery room where who knows what happened while I was asleep! I do know the surgeon kept coming over to ask me to wiggle things, but since I was INCOHERENT, he had to move them himself...guess he earned his payment on me at least!
Then after a few minutes of debating how long I was going to stay in that recliner, they decided to just let Guy give me more pain medicine after I was safely home and in bed and he went to the store and got it and came home and tried to wake me up.....OK, does anybody care that I am in PAIN around here? So the nurse disconnects the IV, which always bleeds a while, and then with Guy's help (which is better than 3 nurses)we managed to get out to the car and leave....however, they didn't buckle my seatbelt! So there I am trying to sit up, and use my bandaged arm to pull the seatbelt out enough that Guy can buckle the thing...somehow I made it home in one piece, but that bed sure felt good, and Guy propped my arm up on his pillows and left me there to sleep while he went for the pain medicine. I don't think I moved for several hours...he would just come in and wake me to take the medicine...make me eat something...and then situate me back in bed. He left to get the kids, but I don't remember it, nor do I remember them coming home. I woke up about dinner time and managed to get to the kitchen under my own power....but didn't stay long.
I made several discoveries that evening....it is impossible to go to the bathroom and use your left hand to do what you need to do....you can't brush your teeth with your left hand, you can't squeeze the toothpaste and get it on the brush, comb your hair, you can't even change into a clean nightie by yourself. And you know those child proof bottles where they like to put your medicine....those are a major obstacle course! Thank goodness Guy is here to open my medicine! Now since he is going back to work, he will put all my pills for the day in a little bowl so I can get to them. IF anybody is laughing...just wait until you have surgery!
The big obstacle for in the morning is going to be getting myself dressed, so I can take Cymbre to school, and then starting the car, and putting it in gear. I think I better practice tonight. Cymbre could help to start the car, but then she won't be here when I get home to turn it off...just a small problem when I park inside the garage, don't you think? Thank goodness it's not a manual transmission....that would only be ok if we still lived in England where everything is on the other side! Feeding myself all day will be the other problem....Guy says he will leave everything with the lids loose, and a small container of milk in the frig for me. So now who will be there to open my soda, or will I have to abuse the can until I can get it to leak into a cup? And forget about pouring juice out of that gallon jug in the frig...did you know that thing weighs at least a ton! And I can't hold the thing, pour and hold the cup all with my left hand...and curling my hair will not be happening either...guess I will just go with the natural look, or maybe I could just add some mousse and spike it! And who will spread the peanut butter on my sandwich...Just try that left handed and see the mess you make! Maybe I will just wait to eat until I get the girls from school...I just have to start the car, and drive to get Cooper, who can then drive us everywhere else.
Well, at least I can type....and my hand isn't totally numb, just the finger tips of two fingers.....but my elbow is killing me! They sliced the thing open about 3 inches just where you bend it, and then they tell you to flex it 5 times and hour every hour you are awake....ok, yeah right!!! And these hugh bruises on my arm...what the heck...I just went to sleep, and woke up and now it looks like they fought a war on my arm!
The girls took pictures, but they are still in the camera....good luck with that!
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